When you are with another person in a relationship, are you really with them? It’s easy to spend time with the people you love, but much more difficult to commit yourself to a strong and resilient connection. Achieving that stage in your relationship can be an amazing and empowering step for both of you. Getting there can be a challenge – a healthy and worthwhile one.

Connection means eliminating the disconnects

A common mistake for someone evaluating their relationship is to look at the faults of another person. To be sure, everyone has issues and idiosyncrasies, but it’s helpful to take another look at the situation from this perspective: being disconnected from your partner may suggest a disconnect within yourself. Do your expectations of others reflect your expectations – achievable or not – of yourself? Do your own feelings get in the way of seeing others for their own unique specialness?

Your relationships start with you. So your awareness of yourself is a valuable tool to maintain and sustain great relationships. Many people call this “being present.”

Presence is a gift to yourself – and to others

Being present enables you to be in attendance – to be fully immersed and living in the moment. You are not considering the events of the past, or the anxieties of the future but rather focusing on your next breath and on the object of your immediate attention. If that sounds strange, think of it this way – your day is full of “brain noise.” Things you have to accomplish at work, things you could have done better at work, obligations you have to yourself and others, politics, social media and those aches and pains from the gym. When you really think about it, these things are really quite unimportant, and they are certainly very temporary. By keeping your attention on the moment – on what exists in front of you – you can learn laser-like focus and eliminate extraneous information. Imagine seeing your partner as they are, not as they were yesterday nor how you want them to be in the future. In essence, you are reigniting that original spark, that first moment that you found yourself mesmerized by another. There was no yesterday when you first met, and who was even thinking about tomorrow? You were firmly in attendance. See, it’s possible! You’ve likely already experienced it.

Capturing the moment

So how do you establish that same sense of presence again? Here’s some tips for you to try right now…

  1. Observe. In fencing, the only thing important to the fencer is the tip of the sword. There is a unification of mind and body that is responding to where that tiny point is in time and space. Take some time to sit back and watch the moment as if you are the spectator. Be still while the action occurs around you. You may find the peacefulness refreshing and restive.
  2. Breathe. Part of being present is recognizing the miracle and joy of life. What can be more joyful than becoming aware of something as tiny as a breath and realizing that it is the essence of life? Your breath is effortless – it is something that, until now, you simply took for granted. Now is the chance to be grateful. Now take a step. Did you think about the 5,900 steps you will take in a day? You probably didn’t think much about walking at all. You took it for granted. Having taken a single step, be grateful to the progress you have made.
  3. Affirm. Affirmations can help you to positively define the moment. As human beings, we find energy in words. Words can hurt us or help us. Imagine taking a moment to say, “I radiate beauty, charm and grace.” Can you help but to believe it – and do it? Affirmations help you to determine what matters most to you.
  4. Float. Sensory deprivation is a means of losing yourself in the moment. By releasing – literally and figuratively – the weight off your shoulders, you are given the opportunity to minimize distractions and fully immerse yourself in – well, yourself. In the float tank, you can observe, breathe, and affirm. Like meditation, it may may take some time – some practice – to be fully present in the moment, but it will come.

Back to relationships… or have we never left the subject? Learning to be the spectator, to be grateful for every moment, to take nothing for granted, and to affirm the positive are lessons that make you better and your relationships healthier. At Metta Rest Spa in Vancouver, we can help you to develop your own practice – one that enables you to connect with yourself and with others. Experience the moment with Metta. Enter Into Rest and a spirit of mindfulness by calling (604) 235-2529 or booking an online reservation.